are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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