So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have fence marks all over my body
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
