I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
