Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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