giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
