Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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