i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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