I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
