he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
