guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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