ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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