She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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