i already hear my dad disowning me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
