Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
