I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
