Do you still have your period?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
