if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
