I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
