this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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