I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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