whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
