dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize