You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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