Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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