Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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