How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
