I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
