just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
