The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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