he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
