What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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