Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
