I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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