I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
