I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
