All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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