FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
