god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
