I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize