I've blown a few things in my day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
