Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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