Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
