I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
