I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
