that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
