I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
