smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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