yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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