Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
