Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize