I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
