I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
