Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
