sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
