did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what day is it and did you see me today?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
