I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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