Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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