Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
