I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
