Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Mom said you looked used
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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