I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
