I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
