my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
