just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
